Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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