My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize