Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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