I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have fence marks all over my body
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize