So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
