I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
