She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
