the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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