I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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