Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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