you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
