That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
