I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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