i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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