No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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