Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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