I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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