Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
