What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
