If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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