yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize