At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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