I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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