So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
