Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
