you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize