you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
