You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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You're like the curious george of whores
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
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Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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