bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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