True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
