Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
