She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
