woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize