Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
