im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
