I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
