my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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