And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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