i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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