He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
