i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
