Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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