I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
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He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
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