I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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