I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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