I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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