he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
3pm strippers are depressing
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
