i jhust puked up my retainher.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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