One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
