eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
