He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
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sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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