Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
