dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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