why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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