These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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