I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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